"It is interesting that you chose the words 'walking away' when really it is a matter of what you are walking towards..."
These are the words that were spoken to me last week that solidified a decision that was months in the making. A decision that was difficult to admit to myself even though I always knew in my heart it was the right one. A decision that feels great even though, at times, it still surprises me to think about.
Andy and I have decided that it is best for me to leave my job and stay home with Olivia for awhile. I turned in my resignation on Monday and will be working my last day on November sixth. This is a decision that I prayed and prayed about because I love my job and leaving it isn't something I could jump into doing. However, Olivia needs me and that is reason enough in itself.
She still will not take a bottle and I must be either with her, near her, or "on call" to feed her whenever she decides it is time. This fact has made the last 2 months at work very challenging. I try to schedule my day around her feeding schedule, but she sometimes needs to eat early, is still sleeping when I arrive to feed her, or her feeding times overlap with meetings or conference calls and have interrupted many of therapy sessions with my patients. Daycare doesn't have a way to soothe her when she gets hungry unexpectedly, so I am constantly getting phone calls with her wailing in the background asking me to come over right away. It breaks my heart each and every time. Olivia can't understand why I am not there. I am her lifeline and she trusts that I will be there when she needs me. That is difficult to maintain on a good day, let alone one where I am in and out meetings, treating and evaluating a full caseload of patients, and managing a busy therapy department. It is just too much right now and my happiness and sanity were quickly deteriorating.
So, for now, I will resist the temptation to feel guilt in "walking away" from my job because the truth is that I am walking towards a place that is so much better. A place that brings me much joy. A place that has just as much purpose and even more reward. A place where there is a smiling girl known affectionately as Baby Girl. Ahhhh, I can hardly wait to get there!
6 comments:
You are such a wonderful mom Stephanie and Olivia is so blessed to have a mom that cares so much! I also left a job that I loved, but everytime Taylor learns something new or just smiles at me, I know I made the right decision!
Congratulations on making such a big decision! It will be so nice to be with Miss Olivia all day and see all of her cute faces and talking and giggles! I'm sure you'll be so happy with this decision!
Welcome to the club :-) It's both harder and easier than you expect. It's weird, but it feels different from maternity leave, even though you're doing the same things. It feels different when this is IT. That can mess with your head a bit. But I don't regret for one second the choice to stay home. Not for one second. I think you're going to be really happy with your decision. And so is Olivia :-) Congratulations!
what a perfect picture to accompany this post!
i know how tough this decision was for you. way to go on being decisive!
Stiffy- I support you 100% in this decision. You are a wonderful mother and I know the enjoyment you will get out of spending time with Baby Girl and watching her change in front of your eyes. Congrats!
Miss you dearly friend!
"Krusty"
What a wonderful time you will have at home with your baby girl! I dream of the day I am able to do that-hopefully not too far! You are such a great mom!
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