a switcheroo...

The shirt may not be gold and black, but Baby Girl still wears it well!  (thanks, Grandma!)

GO DUKE!!!!

fun at the park.

Andy's squadron has a potluck each month and this month it was at the park so the kids could have an egg hunt!  The Easter bunny didn't hide any eggs for Olivia, but we had fun enjoying the amazing weather (high 70's, sunny, with a slight breeze!) and visiting with good friends.

This picture leaves no doubt as to where Baby Girl gets her beautiful blue eyes!

rear view.

unhappiness is...

.....what happens when you move the safety gate yourself, crawl behind it, and then think you are stuck.  Oh, the unhappiness!

Loyalty.

I am loyal to my alma mater.

Andy is loyal to Duke.

Baby Girl is caught in between, but based on her attire today I would say she is a Boilermaker.

So, to quote the words of her shirt today (lovingly embroidered by Auntie Mandy!)    BOILER UP!!

p.s. My main concern of the evening is not whether or not Purdue wins the game, but whether or not I can stay awake for it!!   9:57pm tip-off.....you've got to be kidding me!!

Planet MOM...

I have begun to read a book that I got when I joined my MOPS group.  It is designed to tackle the tough topic of relationships. All through life relationships change, but no single moment has changed them for me as much as becoming a mother.  I am so thankful that this book fell into my lap because it is giving me the opportunity to really analyze the relationships I have in my life, see how they have changed, and figure out how to get them back on track again (if needed!). 

I have begun to work my way through the six key relationships (self, spouse, friends, family of origin, community, and God) and thought I would share some of my thoughts on each section here.

Section one: how becoming a mom changes you.......
My, my, this is a loaded topic if I have ever seen one!  How does becoming a mom not change you?!  I have become more patient, more time conscious (or time-crazy!), more compassionate, quit my job, learned how to love on a whole different level, and began to make every single decision with Olivia in the back of my mind.  Something as simple as getting my hair cut has become a production..."no sorry I need a different appointment time because the baby nurses then", "Hi, friend, can you come watch the baby for a few hours?", "Mr. Hairdresser, will you please hurry a little lot because I need to get home to nurse my baby again."  Ahhhh, nothing in life is completely about me anymore, and that was a hard lesson to handle.  Now perhaps this is a little different since I have a baby that refuses a bottle, but I think every new mother goes through this on some level or another.  I have to be near my baby every 4 hours (it used to be 2 or 3) so she can get her daily dose of healthy breastmilk and that is stressfull!  I have to be present for bedtime because she won't go to bed without nursing.  Such a predicament I have found myself in.......however, it is worth every single moment of stress!  Being a mother is joyous, and wonderful, and heartwarming, and fun, and downright the greatest job ever!

When did I first identify myself as a mother? This happened slowly for me.  I didn't just look at Olivia and think "wow, I am totally different now".  It took a few days, but it happened for me through breastfeeding.  Realizing that another human life was dependent on me and that every single part of her being was growing and thriving because of the nourishment my body was making for her, now that is a life changing moment right there!  I officially felt like a mom.  Super-mom, actually.

Now there are certainly days where I wish I could take off my 'mom identity' and just be Stephanie, or just be Andy's wife, or just be a speech pathologist again, but those moments never stick around for too long.  The way I have made it through those moments is by not finding my entire self-identity in being a mother.  I know some women who define themselves by their children, but I seem to think that I led a pretty fulfilled life before giving birth to a baby!  Becoming a mom simply added another dimension to my identity.  Now it is one that I am proud of and one that mostly consumes my days right now, but it is not the 'end-all-be-all' to who I am as a person.  I know that not everyone sees it this way, but this is how I personally feel. 

Now the tough thing is to keep that fulfillment around for the long haul.  I see how it can become easy to wrap yourself up in being a mother so much that you forget the other important parts of your identity.  For me, this has to come through alone time and getting breaks from the baby, which are hard to get since I can only get away between nursings.  However, it is still possible in small increments.  My goal is to rely on Andy and friends/neighbors more to watch Olivia.  It may be as simple as doing the grocery shopping alone, but the point is that I have to get away.  I need that time to keep my relationship with myself strong.  I don't want to forget who I am and I happen to think that I will be a better mother by having self-identity that isn't defined by my child (or children).  My other plan is to make sure I am taking good care of myself - it seems that I am always taking care of someone else (the baby, the cat, my husband), but I need to make sure I am healthy and happy first and foremost.  I love to go for runs and now that it is getting warmer, I plan to make that part of my routine again.  Now that those plans are out there for y'all to see, I must remain committed to them!

Next up....'Who are you again? Oh yeah, the guy I married!'

let me out...

Baby Girl discovered the front door.....

...and she loves to look out.

She reaches for the bugs that fly by.....

....gives a cheesy grin when she realizes I am watching her,

and then comes crawling to get me!!!