Life isn't always easy

In deciding whether or not to write this blog, I had many thoughts go through my mind. They ranged from "not everyone wants to hear about your heartaches" and "do you really want to be that personal?" to "sharing is often very therapeutic" and "you know you want to get this off your chest, so just go ahead". Finally, I settled on the latter of the thoughts, knowing somewhere deep in my soul that I needed to go ahead and type the blog that was already written on my heart. So here goes nothing...

The last few weeks have been a little tough for us. Our emotions have ranged from elation for the birth of our friend's son (http://www.babyblogs.com/babymusa/our-baby-announcement) to complete heartache and self-pity as we reflected on our own loss.

This week marks the date that we would have been welcoming our own angel, had it not been for our miscarriage in March. That moment is one that I will never be able to erase from my mind. I left work and smiled at my co-workers casually adding, "wish me luck!" Had I known how the next few hours would go, I would have asked for much more than luck. We were very excited to have our ultrasound (we were 12 weeks pregnant and felt like we had been waiting fooorever), but the day didn't bring the joy that we had expected. It felt more like being punched in the stomach or having your heart ripped out, actually. The heartbeat was gone and the baby that we had already began loving and planning for was suddenly no longer a reality.

We grieved our loss on our own schedules and our hearts have felt whole and healed for quite some time now. However, looking at the calendar and seeing September 24th come closer and closer re-opened the floodgates of hurt. Suddenly, the peace that had filled my heart was gone. I again felt lonely. I again felt sad. I again felt the urge to question "why?". However, Andy and I leaned on one another, like we had done so many times through the early stages of this, and peace slowly filled that void in my heart again.

We know that God has a plan for us. In fact, He tells us that loud and clear in Jeremiah 29:11 'For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope'. How can you argue with that?!